Who Am I?

“Why do I sound like this?” A question that’s plagued my mind since the first time I heard my voice on recording. I never understood why I didn’t like my voice, but I did know for a fact that I didn’t like it. 

My parents are from Jamaica. Born and raised there, and even raised my elder brothers there for some time. However, the story was very different for me. I was born in the Bronx and raised in the California suburbs before eventually landing in South Jamaica, Queens. I  have no complaints about my upbringing as it instilled good morals in me and allowed me to become very culturally diverse. The only problem I had was that I had absorbed every culture except my own.

Jamaican Patois is an English based creole with influences from many languages. Despite me being able to understand it, I was never able to speak it like my parents and siblings. I’d be around my peers, often being asked “Can you speak Jamaican?” only to brush the question off as I didn’t even want to attempt it. 

On Thanksgiving in California, I always felt like an odd one out. Even from a young age the kids all had their budding accents except for me. It always made me feel like I wasn’t “Jamaican enough”. My father probably shared the sentiment at times as he tried to make sure I was surrounded by our people-yet at the time, I never put enough effort into learning our native tongue. I wanted to sound like the kids in my suburban California classrooms. At school I always put on a “white accent”, something I later found out was called code switching, but I never realized that I was letting this “white accent” bleed into my regular spoken language. So when I was face to face with the people I SHOULD be able to speak back and forth with, I was confused. Despite being from the same country it felt like there were worlds between us. Thus, I often found myself sitting in corners eating jerk chicken alone.

In the summer of 2013, I was uprooted from slow talking, friendly California, to the fast paced, straight to the point New York. It was a very big challenge for me. As someone who experienced suburban America before the city, I can undoubtedly say the city matures you from a young age, there was a lot more being yelled at for walking slow that I was expecting, however I wasn’t ready for this when I first got here. 

In 3rd grade I was often bullied for being “too sensitive” and “talking white” yet this is exactly what made teachers say I was “well-spoken” and “empathetic” back in California. It felt as though my whole world had been turned upside down as I had to break down who I was in order to rebuild myself into a more “New York” appropriate Chase. There was an upside though– I was able to rebuild myself into a more “Jamaican” Chase as well. 

I was blessed with a lot of Jamaicans in my area when we came to New York, so I dedicated a lot of my time to at least understanding Patois. I went outside of my comfort zone, attempting conversations with people knowing I wouldn’t understand half of what was being said to me. These experiences not only taught me the language, but also taught me how to properly interact with my peers. 

Now, in 2023, I believe that I have three accents. I know my Patois still isn’t perfect, but my ability to switch between a “white accent” and “black accent” is very proficient. It’s good to know that when I’m around family I no longer feel as if I’m not Jamaican enough, and when I’m with my peers in New York I’m no longer a “suburban kid” .